ATM PRO

Let alone a pro, I don’t even qualify to become a Semi-Pro in that.

With mum’s ATM card deep inside my thin and light wallet, out I go at 7 in the morning. To do what? Bring some serious cash back home.

*Dear lord, why didn’t you conceptualize teleportation before the Star Trek guys did????? It would have been so much simpler just to do HomeàWhooshà ATMà Quicker Whooshà Home!!*

Hyderabad is known for its serenity and sluggish lifestyle. Yet right after leaving the guest house, all I see is suspicious guys at every alley or corner, giving me a hurried look and some even forming a smirk. The closest ATM being close to half a km away, I increased the pace of my steps and with a deep sigh, reached its door. Scanning 360 degrees with attracting attention takes just 3-4 seconds, but I take a full 10 seconds to try and gather every suspicious activity around me. The door opened… I slowly step inside… shut the door at the rate of knots…

The card is inserted... Shit Shit!! Wrong way... Wrong way!! I snatch the card and insert it again, with the feeling that time has slowed down. A long wait follows (probably 5 seconds)… and finally the dreaded message appears on the screen: “CANNOT PROCESS THE TRANSACTION”.

After rushing out of the door, I again look left and right, almost expecting someone to jump on me with a knife and taking away my precious ATM card. After waiting for 2 minutes thinking about where to go next as well as about when to duck if a knife is suddenly flashed, I head towards the main road. The stores are slowly opening up, with more and more people starting to appear on the sidewalks (for me they look more like knifemen). I see the second ATM just a few paces ahead. With an already confused mind as to whether I should jog towards it or decrease my pace further, I unconsciously walk at the same pace as before, and reach the door. A deep breather this time… where the hell is the guard?? Great!! That’s just what I need!! No guard, no security… almost like an invitation for the dreaded knife to come out.

I step in slowly. Close the door. Card out. Insert. Wait… What the hell!!! Why isn’t it working?!?! Bloody idbi ATMs! Nothing but ads…

Now what???? The next is like half a km away... more like half a light year away…

Gathering all the courage I could muster (not much really), I started my walk. Crossing the road is the easy part… will just have to run across! Done! Yes yes!! I can see the signboard now... if this doesn’t work, I’m suing icici!! Of course, after I reach home alive.

Wow!! Its like the best sight in the world!! 1 aunty inside and another waiting outside!!! Never felt so good to wait in a line…

Tap tap tap.. tap tap tap.. thud thud thud.. the guard rail feels like a bongo now.. I can feel my pulse rate coming below 100.

1 min.. 2 min.. tap tap thud thud.. now red saree aunty is giving me a suspicious look!! 180 degree turn.. deep thought: ‘now is THIS a trap????’ naaaaahh… she’s a foot shorter than me, I can atleast hold her off!

Finally! Yellow suit aunty out. Red aunty inside.. thud thud! thud thud thud!!

My turn my turn!!! I rush inside… Wow! Ac is nice!! Insert card.. NO, I DON’T WANT THE RECEIPT!! JUST GIVE ME THE FRIGGIN MONEY!!!!

A deep grrrrrrrr… roar… n voila!!! Hello Mr. Gandhi!! Count count.. again count.. deeeeeep sigh!!!!

Now, should I take an auto, or a taxi??? I come out, n see neither! N me aint gonna wait even a minute for it… so there I go again, eyes darting from left to right, I cross the road.. walk with my hand brushing against my wallet every other second.. I take the longer route, just coz it’s the busier road. Final 100 yards I almost run..

OPEN the gates u idiot!! What are guards for?? No tip for this guy for sure!! Climb up the stairs.. Good morning fellow colleague! Whats up?? Oh nothing, just a walk to the ATM.. WHATTTTTTTT??????? There’s an ATM in the office complex itself??? Some1 hold me now… I’m….. gonna…… faint… zzzzzzzzzz…